Sometimes When I Have Nothing to Say

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When it comes to writing it ebbs and flows. Right now I’m in a dry period where the inspiration just isn’t happening. The first time I experienced this writing drought it terrified me. I wondered if I would even get my groove back. I read a lot, took photos and just waited until inspiration finally struck. And by inspiration I mean, I wrote 30,000 words in a span of 3 days. It really just came pouring out. I tried to relax, but relaxation is something I’m not particularly good at. On my mother in law’s recent visit to California over the holidays, she actually asked me if I was on speed or some sort of medication because I’m always on the go. I told no to which she replied that she was disappointed because she wanted me to give her some of the drugs I was taking. Seems like there’s never enough time to relax even though I’m trying really hard to just enjoy life and being me.

I’ve been trying to enjoy the small things since moving here. I’m eating better nearly 100% organic and we are juicing daily. In fact, next weekend I’m going to try my hand at making orange marmalade. We have two orange trees in my yard. They are delicious and amazing. As someone who has lived most of her life in places where winter means snow and ice, I am loving being able to walk out into my back yard, pick oranges, grab a handful of fresh mint and cut a branch of cilantro from the tallest cilantro plant I’ve ever seen. That sucker is over 4 foot tall. I’m not kidding.

Since we moved I’ve been so focused on the move, organizing and getting settled that I haven’t felt that inspired feeling. It’s more expensive to live here. Our rent is nearly triple the monthly payment of our Oklahoma home so I’ve had to give up luxuries I’ve had in the past like my house keeper, daily Starbucks and impulse shopping. No more daily trip to Target. It’s just not responsible decision making. I just don’t have the time. It’s been about 150 days since there’s been that crazy writing fever where I have to stop everything and document what’s pouring out of my head. I’m certain this is due to the move, the increased stress and just adjusting to life in Cali-for-nia. It’s absolutely crazy, and at the moment I’m just waiting for it, meaning the writing and creative floodgates to open and the idea obcession to begin happening.

This past week, I’ve been experiencing weird dreams where I’m working on something like a paper, a website or something that’s important to me. This used to happen all the time with my blog where I could feel, see and experience the future of where I was going. I was successful. I was working towards amazing things but it was a dream.  I can feel the inspiration trying to break through from my current dream state into reality. It’s knocking hard on the door, but for whatever reason I’m not ready. I think that emotionally with the news of being pregnant I’ve got other things on my mind so  it’s just not yet happening.

And so I wait. I try to be patient. And so I read and so I go about my regular client writing and work moseying along ever so patiently and calmly. When I’m in the writing flow I can write 10 or more blog posts a day. Generally, I save these posts for those writing droughts where there isn’t much inspiration to drive me. I’m in that place right now where it just seems like work, but I know that will change.

I think that with writers and creatives there is a fine line between inspiration and obsession and right now my current obsession happens to be my home. Organizing it. Putting up shelves. Hanging up my blue plate collection for the first time since when Ryleigh was born. Baby proofing your home is no joke and now that we finally have a little person who is no longer a baby, the displays and decorations go back to normal. That is until this new baby is born. It’s a never ending cycle of insanity. It’s a welcome insanity and those that really know me understand that I’ve wanted another baby for a while. In truth, I will be a mom of three. My blog, Blogging4Jobs is my first born. Ryleigh is my second and this new little guy or girl is baby number three. It’s weird to call your blog your baby but I’ve raised this blog, babied it, obsessed over it and watched it grow into something that is amazing. It’s growing in front of my very eyes, and I couldn’t be more proud especially since the new rebranding and site launch happened today.

So right now I’m just biding my time and trying to enjoy this lull in creativity because when the damn breaks I can’t think. I can’t focus on anything other than these crazy ideas and stories in my head. They have to be documented, shared,written and told. It’s more than just my job. It’s part of who I am, and that’s really important to me.

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