My Sanity Check

mini-work-life-crisis

This morning about 4:00 AM after having been up for an hour unable to sleep I posted the following on Facebook (also pictured above),

As an entrepreneur I go through mini life crisis on what seems like a daily basis. Yesterday was an amazing day and I felt like I was rocking it. I did great research work and recorded two awesome podcasts. Texted with a client and a friend. Today I woke at 3 am with something obviously on my mind unsure what it exactly is. I feel nervous and just anxious like I’m not doing enough when I know in my heart it’s not true. I hate these moments when I’m questioning all my choices feeling like my contribution is not enough.

Grabbing a cup of tea and turning on some jazz music to head back to bed for a couple hours. Work on my fears, focus on the positive and prepare to face the day.

About a half hour later after I posted my status update I finally went to bed. For the last two weeks I have been waking up at 3:00 AM 3-4 times a week. My subconscious is telling me change is happening. Where, why or how I don’t know, but it’s coming… For a really long time I thought these random mini life crisis moments were unique to me, and then I talked to some other independent business folks and entrepreneurs. I realized I am not alone, and that was a relief.

Problem is that no one talks about these moments because as small business people who are independent we feel like we have to be on our game all the time and have our shit together when I think most days we are all on the edge of a cliff close to insanity. These feelings don’t happen every day or all the time, but they do happen. And it’s ridiculous that we choose not to talk about these things.

About six months ago I told myself I needed a sanity check. So I picked up the phone and just talked for 15 minutes to someone else who is independent and a business owner. Having that moment to just get all those things out was so empowering! Hence, why I wrote about my insecurities at 4:00 AM on Facebook this morning. I believe we need more sanity checks with mentors, peers, friends and colleagues, but we don’t do them because we feel like we have to be perfect and together or it will ruin our business growth or building strategy.

Immediately my entrepreneurial mind goes to finding a solution. I have some ideas and maybe this is what I’m trying to shake out. I spend most of my work days in the corporate folds talking about life as an HR, operations and recruiting person when I have one foot completely in the door as an independent business owner. I guess it’s a paradox wrapped in an enigma wrapped in bacon sort of thing.

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